grace

On leave, but frequenting the hospital even more frequently, what a life. Need a NEW running route that doesn't go by the hospital on that note!

Flying off tomorrow to look for some holy monk in the mountains! It was the family's idea, and I'm tagging along because it sounded like fun, like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or candy mountain. Maybe I'll return with something, maybe not, whatever it is it'll be a bonus anyway.

Totally broke, working too hard and the money is barely inching up.

Commencement is such a freaking waste of time. I wouldn't even attend it if it didn't mean that much to my mum. Sometimes I think it's because she never graduated herself, so I did that for her. And sometimes I think it's cos my dad never got to do medicine, and I did that for him. And I keep thinking one day I'll chase my own dreams instead but I can't do that if I can't ever finish chasing theirs and so I guess one day my children will end up on stage or with the circus instead.

I lost my steth and little yellow antibiotics book the other day. The book was from one of my favouritest prof, so they were both really precious to me, and I was very sad for a while. Was almost going down to the shop to get the next cheapest decent enough steth already, even though it was only available in pink. But made a last ditch attempt to search for it and found them both! :D thanks to St Anthony! He's the guy in charge of lost stuff right.

I lost someone the other day too, but doubt this is within St Anthony's jurisdiction. I didn't even know about it cos he had been transferred to ICU and I remember feeling a little bubble of joy at that because it was one patient off the list, he was in better hands undoubtedly, and I could check off 'acute liver failure' in my logbook. (I know.) I remember his brother, I remember his brother because he was full of questions, and I got annoyed, not at the questions, but at the lack of answers on our part, which made me feel really inadequate. But he was uncomplaining, and kept stoic vigil on the hard wooden bench outside ICU through the nights. I know that because during night shift I crossed him 294234857 times, because it is such a big hospital for such a small person to run. I gave him a cup of water. He smelled like he hadn't showered in days. He always had this big grin on whenever I passed, despite everything. And he was stealing our wall electricity. One day he wasn't there anymore, and I thought happily that his brother must have been discharged, and they had gone home. But then unsuspectingly, I chanced upon his name again and saw Outcome: Death. I thought it must have been a mistake, so I refreshed the system, but it didn't change. True, his bloods were already bad on admission, but he was young, and we had reassured ourselves, young chaps like that, they could get really bad, and then walk out of here like nothing ever happened at all. I went through every word of his discharge summary, trying to see if perhaps somewhere along the way I, or anyone, could have done something differently. There were plenty permutations, and maybe in a parallel universe, there would be a happy ending, but who knows?

I've also sworn off Kinder Bueno. It has always been my favourite chocolate, and I would eat it TDS on call. The last 2 calls, I had Kinder Bueno for supper, breakfast and lunch, and went home with gastric so bad I couldn't lie flat rest of the day and night. Didn't think I'd be needing gastric meds <2 months into starting work. Also have an eye infection. And paining where I kicked a curb. I feel defective.

OK gotta pack.

5 years and a new laptop down, finally a use for my tablet...


Before sunrise


Rounds


Blue letters


Teaching


Late discharge


AICeIMRwtfBBQzomgEMRXiHR


OD

but it shouldn't be too hard either.


First day off since starting work! Can't remember the last time I slept 20 hours straight. Maybe never, for that matter. O_o But oh well, I figure it doesn't really make sense to sacrifice my health for that of others. Shall try to live a little better!

So, as I was peering intently up a proctoscope the other day, trying not to get any gel or non-desirable materials onto myself (cos I had to be at eye level and the wind was threatening to blow things at me or blow my hair onto things or something like that), I couldn't help but wonder, did I really jump through all those hoops and make it past the crazy competitive education system, to get a job like this? I don't know man. It's like getting on an exclusive shinkansen, travelling so fast the outside world is a blur, and having no idea when to get off, so I decide to just stay on the train anyway since I'm not sure getting off would be any better than travelling a little further. And all my friends are on board, and they say don't get off cos every next train you miss is wasted time, and it doesn't matter where you go as long as you keep going ahead. Oh well. I'm getting off right now though, for a while at least, to take in the view a little before rattling on to residency station. I don't know how that's gonna turn out, but it's OK, there's always the Hikari and Kodama, even if the Nozomi has left.

Anyways saved a life! =D He was a chest pain that I MONAed and cardio decided was unstable angina ?NSTEMI and agreed with my aspirin and Plavix so that made me really happy. Happy enough to forgive the 5 sons who refuse to bring their father home, whom will hence probably stay with us the next 2 months for no valid medical reason. Happy enough to forget about the insomnia lady demanding sleeping pills at 6pm, and when I went to check on her again at 11pm, was happily stuffing her face with McDonalds in a ward of NBMs and DM diets. The guilt on her face was hilarious.

Also, the whole bunch of extended family came over to my place today to celebrate a belated Mother's day! =D On account of my first paycheck!! =D=D HAhHA So exciting. Not that my paycheck has come in yet but hey it's always more fun living tomorrow today, since today will be yesterday by tomorrow anyway. For that matter, why does everyone think 'Friday' by Rebecca Black is so bad? It's not any much better or worse than most regular pop songs to me, but not like I'm much of a connoisseur of pop culture I suppose.

Through the years, I've pieced enough bits of Hokkien to almost get by. Dad is always super amused by my crapshit intonation though. He keeps laughing, and I never know what to make of that, like whether I should be embarrassed, or indignant, or resigned, or perhaps just glad that he's laughing even if it's my expense because he hardly ever laughs. Oh well.

Anyway doctoring sure is a damn good way to lose weight. Haven't taken the lift since the first day of work, because I'm way too impatient to wait for them. Things have to be done NOWNOWNOW all the time and even then the To Do list just keeps spawning new To Dos. Didn't have a drop of water yesterday. Didn't have lunch today, because well I don't know, lunch is a privilege I suppose. My needs are simple anyway: caffeine for breakfast, omeprazole for lunch, and whatever my family can't finish eating for dinner for dinner. My wants are even simpler: to just send people home. I think it's kinda amazing. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a measley doctor, and yet the whole world conspires to let the things I want to happen happen. From the ward clerks to the nurses to the pharmacists++. It's so weird, in a fuzzy way. Haven't got the best list at the moment, but still the people and plants and animals make it all better I guess.

Oh well. Precious sleep! Not to be squandered on narcissistic pursuits.

I honestly did try to post a post earlier, but for some reason my IP address got blocked, and I wasn't about to go to school just to post a post, so I left it and today LJ is working again so here I am! =D

Still jetlagging, will get round to grad trip some other time. Don't have much photos from the trip cos I broke my camera. And phone was already broken pre-trip:



But it's OK I drew some pictures so hope they will suffice. =)

Anyway going to visit Sg Biennale tomorrow so shall sleep early tonight!

The last song for 2010:


一年前的今天
我们距离没那么远
无意间拍的照片
拍坏蛋的你亲了我的脸
靠近你的怀抱
醺醺地睡一觉
明天以后没顾虑到
只在乎现在身边的依靠
一年眨眼就流过
赖睡的我是不是又睡过头
感觉好像冬眠了太久
Oh well 总算睡醒了

(当时) 可是你不见了
我不懂为什么
（不知） 现在是从美梦中唤醒
还是恶梦在开始了？
你在我心中留下的步迹
已被雪霜蒙盖住了
你外套熟悉的味道
也被风卷走了
看你一点一点把我删除掉
心也一片一片被割到
所以再次烟花的这一夜
该放手了，个走个的
再见

一年后的我
开始相信你所说的
也听到你没说的
可是一切都太迟了
今天特别难度过
Happily ever after 只是传说
最后为你唱一首歌
好让我的心也了结了

Hastily written, hastily recorded, as with many other hasty happenings that made the past year. Just a demo, but doubt I'll do anything more with it. In any case, a song is never complete, I find. Everytime I come back to a song I've written I always have something to change about it. I suppose it's not so much that there's something wrong with it, but it's just me changing, and my tastes changing, etc and I guess for as long as I'm unformed neither will my appendages be. =/

Anyway happy new year! Time for spring cleaning! Donating my broken violins away so that hopefully their organs can be harvested to make new violins for poor children somewhere.


I actually feel really bad about this =p HAhHA oops at the very least they can use it for firewood or something, it'd be better than gathering dust in the corner of my house.

Also, went to church the other day, because I was sitting at the busstop one day minding my own business when:


Innocuous eh:


I couldn't help but think if I were a busstop designer I'd design alot fancier stuff. But anyway, so I went back, and the pastor was still the same guy as the last time I stopped going, and the mega K-box session still played the same songs, with some Christmas carols thrown in, and then because it was boxing day we had to go around shaking everyone's hands and all I could think about was infection control fail. =/ But anyway, if everything is still the same, why would anything be any different this time right? God works in mysterious ways, he said. But hey, so does the Flying Spaghetti Monster:



Oh well. Already missing 2010, and nothing much to look forward to in 2011. Cleared out all posts from the year past, as with every year. But then the page looked too empty so here's one post to tide til spring =D HAhAH And my daily dose of C&H in my email for today:


Ok enough being human.. time to morph back into muggy monster!